The first time I had thoughts of killing myself was as young as 5 years old. I was a kindergartener contemplating suicide. I am now a well-adjusted young adult realizing that it’s okay to be crazy.

……

I am not on medication (although doctors would say I should be). I manage my illness in different ways, such as observing my thoughts and adjusting them toward the positive, practicing yoga and other physical activities, keeping a journal, surrounding myself with loving, positive people, and participating in fulfilling activities I enjoy. If I start to feel really out of control, I use herbal suppliments as a “brain cushion” until I regain my strength.

…….

I still get really down sometimes. It’s not environmental.

It’s as though a scary monster lives inside my head and I have to keep an eye on him or else he’ll try to take over my thoughts. I know he’s there and he knows I know, but that doesn’t stop him from thirsting for control. The only thing keeping him from gaining it is ME.

…….

For many years I practiced hiding my emotions from people. I was great at it! People often remarked that I was “always happy,” even though I was secretly dying inside. Those were benchmarks of my perceived success. If no one else could tell I was sick, then I must be doing a good job of getting better!

What I would like is for more people to own their insanity. If I had known as a child that some of the adults I admired were also dealing with demons in their heads, I might have been more hopeful for my own survival.

……..

By sharing my crazy, I am helping other crazies.

People look up to me. I am happy! I smile all the time (and it’s real these days). When people find out that I struggle with mental illness, they are shocked.

Then they ask how I deal with it.

Then they tell me about their own insanity, or the insanity of someone they love.

We then share the burden of insanity.

And that makes it a much lighter burden to carry.