Ways Bill Gates should die:
1. Nitroglycerin suppository
2. Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
3. Paper cuts from hate mail
4. Wine press
5. Random act of terrorism
6. Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane,
acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
7. Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
8. Exploding gas barbecue
9. Date with Lorena Bobbit / Tonya Harding
10. Rusty meat hook
11. Pulp digester / Saw mill
12. Sexually transmitted disease
13. Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu
14. Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
15. Bill meets the Terminator. “Hasta la vista…Billy!”.
16. Gag exploding software box.
17. Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Bill loves to sell his products
to all of the carnivores.
18. Tylenol laced with cyanide
19. Sacrifice to a tribal god
20. Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
21. Trampling by thousands of tiny spongy feet
22. Asphyxiation on a twinkie
23. Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck
24. 1000 RPM merry-go-round
25. Building sandcastles in a quicksand box
26. Dragged behind a school bus on a gravel road
27. Leg caught in elevator doors
28. Make it legal to enslave Bill.
29. Home lobotomy kit
30. Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g.
nitric, chromic, hydrofluoric, sulfuric, or hydrochloric)
31. Add crushed glass to his granola or high fiber cereal.
32. Thrown in a vat of bleach.
33. Paint him black and turn him over to a white supremacist.
34. Sucked into a turbo-prop engine
35. Submerged into a CANDU reactor
36. Swarmed by killer bees
37. Deadly parasites
38. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel
39. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Bill chow)
40. Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.
41. Assimilation by the Borg (If bill doesn’t assimilate them first).
42. Acupuncture with a nail gun
43. Force fed pure sugar and caffeine until he explodes.
43. Bill meets Mr. Chainsaw
44. Hit and run in front of the Microsoft offices.
45. Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven.
46. Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition!
47. Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during reentry.
48. Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens
49. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife.
50. Harpooned by a whaling ship
51. Dipped in liquid nitrogen, and “accidentally” pummeled with a baseball
bat (guess they found the glass transition temperature).
52. Served as Thanksgiving dinner
53. Eaten by the homeless (Bill pate anyone?)
54. OOPS! Bill shouldn’t have soldered that propane tank while full.
55. Mistaken for a Piñata
56. Run over by a zamboni
57. The Microsoft Windows startup sound triggers avalanche.
58. “Accidentally” shoved in front of a subway train.
59. Nuclear warhead explodes at ground Bill.
60. Scientific experiments on Bill sublimation temperature.
61. Crushed between plates in a fault line.
62. Blended into McBill shakes, and pressed into McBill patties (would
you like McFries with that?)
63. Inquiring minds want to know… What is the tensile strength of
Bill?
64. Used as a crash test dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what
can happen to you if you don’t wear your seat belt.
65. Bill becomes one with Oscar Myer.
66. Bill used as shark bait.
67. Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study.
68. Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu Knives. Even after cutting
this tin can, the ginsu knives rip through Bill’s flesh with ease.
69. Diplomatic mission with Klingons
70. Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk.
71. Nato air strike.
72. Live organ donor.
73. Egyptian mummification ritual.
74. Plummet into an active volcano.
75. Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants.
76. Conversion to sugar glazed junk food.
77. Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer.
78. Pilgrimage to the Holy land.
79. Tie him down and run over him with a steam roller.
80. Visit to the taxidermist.
81. Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter.
82. Take him off Prozac.
83. Forced to watch “The Wall” video without his happy pills.
84. 100 hours of continuous “Black Sabbath”.
85. Give him a lead role in a snuff film.
86. Tar and feathered by crazed computer users.
87. Spontaneous combustion.
88. Bludgeoned to red paste.
89. Compressed to a singularity.
90. Bent, folded and mutilated by Canada Post.
91. Send him to a Bill’s game dressed as a Miami Dolphin.
92. The plague
93. Extruded through microcapilliaries.
94. Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson.
95. Bill goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop.
97. Pre-mortum autopsy reveals that Bill’s head is full of worms.
98. Massage with a stun gun.
99. Heat pasteurization.
100. Bill stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.
101. Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank.
102. Bill meets Elmira (I’m gonna hug him and squeeze him to itty bitty
pieces.)
103. Put Bill in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT.
104. Put Bill in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt.
105. Make him the drummer of Spinal Tap.
106. Use him as a zap-o-matic target.
107. Paint him green & give him to Gallager for his Sledge-o-matic.
108. Paint him green & give him to David Letterman for a 10 story
drop.
109. Confine him with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglas Adams).
110. Put a horse collar on him and abandon him on alt.sex.beastiality.
111. Stick him in a car with Ted Kennedy near a bridge.
112. Paint “Branch Dividian & Proud of it” and drop him off at
the BATF hq.
113. Put him on a blind date with Lorena Bobbit AFTER she gets her
new set of Ginsu(tm) knives.
114. Bill scrapple.
115. Bury him next to Jimmy Hoffa.
116. Tell Tipper Gore he wrote a program on how to masturbate.
117. Recreate the Challenger accident with Bill playing substitute
teacher.
118. Use Bill as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases.
119. Hit him with a car. <THWUNK>
120. Book him on an airplane who’s new autopilot runs on Windows 98.
121. Grant him the privilege of being the first person to cross a new
bridge that was designed using Windows 98.
122. Plant a bomb in his Macintosh.
123. Make Bill use Windows 3.1.
124. Get a bunch of pauperizes to follow him.
125. Spatial Anomaly.
126. Drop a VAX on his head.
127. Shove him out the nearest air lock.
128. Push him in to a vat of molten steel.
129. Attack him with nanites, have them remove his liver.
130. Hide unshielded plutonium under his bed.
131. Travel back in time and convince his parents to use contraceptives.
132. Swipe $10 from Bill, get Bill to chase you. Run toward a very
deep canyon, but stop at the edge. Bill will zoom by. On his way down he
will hold up a sign that says “yikes!”.
133. Get Tim “The tool man” Taylor to re-wire Bill’s helicopter beanie.
134. Force him to take a shower with an electric eel.
135. Get him a lifetime subscription to the “addictive drug of the
month club.”
136. Take him roller skating on the roof of a very tall building, with
uneven spots near the edged of the roof.
137. Aliens abduct Bill Gates. Their space ship crashes when he tries
to “upgrade” their systems.
138. Feed him to Barny.
139. Get him a lifetime subscription to the “unstable explosive of
the month club”.
140. Drown him in bean dip.
141. Drag Bill to the Recycle Bin.
142. Replace Bill’s heart with a mechanical heart, that runs Windows
2000.
143. Drop Bill head first on to a bed of nails.
144. Set Beavis and Butthead loose in Microsoft HQ.
145. Put Bill right in front of a hungry T-rex.
146. Beaten to death by an enraged mime.
147. Packed in to a giant snow ball and rolled down the side of Mt.
Everest.
148. Trick him in to walking through a mesh of high intensity laser
beams. Look! Little bitty Billy pieces!
149. Choke to death on a nice, hot cup of java.
150. Bludgeoned to death by his own Active X controls.
151. Get him drunk to where he passes out. Before he wakes up, fly
him to Briton and leave him in a car.
152. Shrink him to 1 1/2″ tall. Make him roommates with a hungry
hamster.
153. Stuff him in a dryer and set it to “extra-dry”.
154. Write the split-second control system for his car in Visual Basic
4.
155. Put him in a rocket and shoot him in to the sun.
156. Tell him someone dropped a $20 bill into a deep well.
157. Shrink him down to the size of a molecule and hit him with a proton.
158. Force him to do all his work through “MS-Bob”.
159. Brain transplant with an iguana.
160. Implant a device in to him that zaps him every time he tries to
sleep.
161. One of a kind, Life-size 3D Bill Gates jig saw puzzle.
162. An operation to surgically remove his wallet.
163. Slap him silly with a concrete block.
164. Tie him up in christmas lights. Dump a bucket of water on him.
165. Put a Roto-Rooter up Bill’s butt.
166. Tie him up in a white sheet and call Ghostbusters.
167. Choke him to death on the wide end of a spatula.
168. Pressed to death in a giant waffle iron.
169. Cut in to thin strips and used as fire lighter.
170. Prodded with Klingon pain sticks until his head explodes.
171. Expose him to that mysterious death fog that turns people inside
out.
172. Transporter accident. He materializes with his head attached to
his butt.
173. Switch his glasses with trick glasses that make everything look
pixilated. Give him a gun and some ammo. When he starts killing people,
call the police.
174. Lock him in a room with an infinite amount of pissed off monkeys.
175. Rewire his nervous system. Connect his ears to his legs and his
mouth to his bladder.
176. On a vacation to a beach, Bill lets someone bury him up to his
head in sand. They then run over his head with a lawn mower.
177. Fill him up with unleaded.
178. Goes hunting. Deer drive home with Bill on the top of the car.
179. Use DNA re-sequencing to clone an “anti-Bill”.
180. The molecules in Bills body get bored and decompose in to hydrogen.
181. Mauled by a small yellow funny-ol’ bear.
182. Ass kicken contest with John Romero.
183. Accidentally crosses paths with a disgruntled postal worker.
184. Have Santa bring him that exploding Barny toy he always wanted.
185. Inflate Bill. Use him as a balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving
Day Parade.
186. Freeze him in carbonite and use him as a wall decoration.
187. Pay the janitor to put some extra wax on the floors. Watch Bill
sliiiide right in on Monday morning….
188. W31… W95… W98… BOOM! You sunk my Billy ship!
189. Sell Microsoft a ten ton led brick. Put it on their Bill.
190. Slashed to death by a hyperactive paper clip.
191. Crushed to death by a hard copy of all of the lawsuits against
him.
192. “Beamed” using 1997 technology.
193. In the future scientists will discover how to convert Bill in
to a clean, efficient fuel.
194. Modify his screen saver to produce suicidal subliminal messages.
195. Freak foot powder / molecular inversion accident.
196. Pushed in to a deep fryer. Cooked to a golden brown. Served with
secret sauce.
197. Liquefy, consume and regurgitate Bill.
198. Switch his deodorant with 2-ton mega paste.
199. Use sharpened circular saw blades in a fun game of frisbee with
Bill.
200. Lodge 100 Linux CDs in Bills abdomen.
201. The ever classic stake through the hart.
202. Abandon him on an Elbonian mud farm.
203. Put him in the same room with Robbie the Robot. Robbie is pissed
about how Bill “upgraded” his sister.
204. Bill plummets for 24 stories and lands in a pile of bullshit.
205. The next Comdex with guest speaker Bill Gates, will be held in
South Park.
206. Put Bill in the middle of a building that is about to be imploded.
207. A star ship beams him up, but routes his pattern to a food replicator.
208. Thrown at a canvas at over 300 MPH and used as art.
209. Exorcism.
210. New antibiotic that destroys Bill cells.
211. Lock him in a small room with Terrance and Philip.
212. Stuff his “Microsoft Bob” underpants down his throat.
213. Dies of a heart attack after having a nightmare where everybody
is running Linux, MacOS, OS/2, BEos, etc, and NOT Windows.
214. Crushed under a collapsing set of bleachers while scouting out
new territory.
215. Killed by his non-evil twin from an alternate universe.
216. Boiled in a huge pot of macaroni. Mixed and served with cheese
sauce.
217. With no warning, MS HQ is about to be bulldozed to make way for
a new bypass. Bill throws himself in the path of the bulldozers.
218. Stuffed in a giant donut and left in a police convention.
219. Replace his nose spray with a mini-mega-suction-o-matic.
220. Beaten to shreds with the ceremonial killamajig.
221. Bill’s new pacemaker with a built in wireless web server gets
mentioned, with a link, on Slashdot.
222. Thrown in to a pit of rabid llamas.
223. Cave-in while ass spelunking.
224. Squashed by a twenty ton gavel.
225. There IS no Bill.
226. Bill tries out a new electric toothbrush made out of plastiqe
explosives.
227. Manufacturing accedient in Microsoft’s newly aquired nuclear arms
devision.
228. Soylent Bill.
229. Ripped to shreads by a flock of angry penguins.
230. Killed by a radation leak and brough back to life as a hologram
– who’s holo projection system runs Windows 98.
231. Throw a bucket of water on him and watch him melt.
232. Take him for a ride one of the Navy’s new ships with Windows-powered
navigation.
233. Bill’s attempt to start a new “Kentucky Fried Penguin” chain backfires
as the penguins start an “eat more Bill” campaign.
234. Place a chip in his head that gives him an electrical shock every
time a copy of Windows crashes somewhere.
235. Turns in to the space fetus from the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey…
and is promptly aborted.
236. Impale Bill on a CueCat bar code reader. Or would that be in violation
of Digital Convergence’s Intellectual Property?
237. Ordered by the DOJ to port Internet Explorer to the TI-99/4A all
by himself.
238. Browser wars escalate to using nuclear weapons.
239. Deny his oxygen usage request form R32B-432/Z.
240. Convince bill to take up chainsaw juggling.
241. Giant cheese shredder.
242. Billskin rug.
243. Blown out a whales’ ass.
244. Giant electric egg mixer.
245. Rover Retriever gets rabies and mauls bill.
246. Install service pack on Bill.
247. Let bill go on a moon mission – and leave him there.
248. Killed in a fouled up attempt by a cyborg from the future to assassinate
the future leader of the resistance against the then sentient Microsoft
Sky.net.
249. When the day comes that all monetary transactions (even for food)
must go through MS Passport – Lock bill out of his account.
250. Fatal zipper explosion.
251. Killed by a mob of angry penguins on a trip to the north pole.
252. Bill Gates is “open soured.”
253. Bill tries out a new electric toothbrush made out of plastic explosives.
254. Hell opens up beneath Microsoft HQ and sucks it and Bill in.
255. Ripped limb from limb by a Wookie.
256. Pack him in to a giant firework and set him off for the 4th of
july.
257. Stuff him in a trash can and through him off a cliff.
258. Eaten by a dopefish. (burp!)
259. Killer dishwasher spots!
260. Died in a browsing accident.
Disclaimer: This list is provided for entertainment purposes
only. I am not responsible for the actions of induhviduals who may try
to kill or otherwise injure Bill Gates or other people.
http://toastytech.com/evil/index.html
