Notes from Cuzco, Peru ~ April 1977

On the slopes of the Andes, in a yurt overlooking a sage-green valley, I’m participating in a peyote ceremony that has taken place here for over 1,000 years. I’m collecting data for my senior thesis: ‘The neurological basis of hallucinations’. However, none of my faculty advisers know I’m here, and if they did ..they would probably deny any involvement. I’m here because I want to experience, first hand, the psychological effects of a guided peyote session the way it’s practiced by South American Indians ..and not for purposes of recreation the way I used to. I have a theory that human nature follows a cycle; it fluctuates between the need for ‘order and stability’ ..followed by the need for ‘exploration and rebellion’ against order and stability. I arrived at this theory from reading books by Aldous Huxley, as well as personal experience. I’m hardly able to sustain a committed relationship for more than a few months. Anyway, I believe that early Indian cultures had less destructive ways to deal with this cycle that didn’t involve excessive alcohol, domestic violence or broken homes. The peyote ceremony is, in a sense, a ‘guided’ exploration into altered states of consciousness ..followed by a gentle period of ‘re-entry’ that allows participants to integrate their extra-ordinary experiences with the ordinary reality of everyday life. It satisfies the need for exploration in a way that is far less disruptive, and way more conducive, to the well being of the individual and the tribe.

Exploration: The session begins ..our Guide is waving a rope of burning incense …intended to awaken our senses. A drum beat softly repeats ..intended to strengthen our bond to the present. Tea is poured and cups ceremoniously passed between participants sitting cross-legged around a low bronze table. The simple act of sharing also helps bring us back to the present. I feel grounded and eagerly await whatever forms my altered perception may take. After experiencing several waves of nausea ..followed by tea .. images of early childhood begin to appear ..rising and falling .. over and over .. leaving me clutching at something for security (later I find my shirt lying bunched-up and wet on the floor beside me). Our Guide gently reminds us to watch these images flow until they vanish. Next, the blows of adolescence appear ..rising and falling ..leaving me feeling bruised and vulnerable until I’m barely able to hold back my tears. Our Guide gently reminds us to watch these images flow until they vanish. Now I hear someone playing a flute. Sounds soothing. Now I feel alternating sensations of tea and mango splash down my throat. Sweet and refreshing. I pass the plate from one grinning face to another. Now I’m grinning. Now it looks like I’m sitting between two huge grinning masks ..suspended in space. One of them starts laughing ..then another ..and another ..until everyone is rocking with waves of laughter. I feel a grip loosening, and worries, stretching back as far as I can remember ..lift like fog. I feel euphoric. But it isn’t long before the feeling of euphoria turns into panic. I’m looking down and there’s nothing there ..it’s like I’m hanging over an abyss. Without the customary sense of worry, my psyche collapses like a house of cards. I scream and lose consciousness. When I awake, I recall lying with my head in the lap of one of the female assistants ..while she wipes my face with cool water. I’m shaking.

Re-entry: I’m listening to our Guide give instructions for re-entry (we were also given a copy of these to take with us). It went something like this: “..as you return, remember ..a river comes out of the mountains ..flowing and cohesive. Its power comes from yielding .. overcoming what’s hardest with what’s softest. As you return, remember ..follow the watercourse way ..choose harmony over quarreling. As you return, remember ..follow the watercourse way .. throw the portals of your tent open and pay homage to what’s light in the world. As you return, remember ..follow the watercourse way .. the soft quality of your mind will overcome the hardness of the obstacles you face. Remember, follow the watercourse way …the watercourse way …the watercourse way ..” and I could hardly forget. I could still hear these words echoing in my head for weeks afterward while I finished writing my thesis and submitted it for a round of grueling final arguments. I think it helped. Either that or they just caved.